My daughter is so adorable that perfect strangers have come up to us and told us how beautiful she is. Like, almost aggressively. Because she’s two this can come off a little disturbing. I mean, she is a very pretty baby but what two year old can’t at least pull off cute?
Photo by Kiana Bosman on Unsplash (Picture not LB, but attitude is.)
I’d say, “Why do two year olds even have to be cute?” but that toddlers are also adorable is a well-developed survival tactic. I am not saying that fewer of us would have survived the toddler years without that veneer of adorableness- okay, yeah. Yes, I am saying that. But, also, a lot fewer of us would have siblings.
In the States most of these compliments have come from women. Probably because in the US a random grown man flattering a little girl can come off creepy af. I also think that most men who aren’t fathers don’t really see babies and little kids as anything more than the little poop machines they are.
There is science to back me up on this. The pupils of our eyes dilate when we see something that pleases us and constrict when we see things we find disgusting. Women’s pupils dilate when we see babies while men’s pupils constrict- unless the men have kids of their own.
Anecdotally, when my kid is running around making a general nuisance of herself, basically behaving like a normal toddler, most women are highly tolerant. Hell, most women are enablers. Whether they have kids, or even want kids, most women #notallwomen react to mild kid caused chaos with patience and a smile. Though the more irritating my kid gets, the more I can separate the moms and wannabe moms from the “that’s why I am *never* having kids” ladies.
Men #notallmen in the U.S., on the other hand, tend to sneer in her general direction if they acknowledge her at all. Unless they are dads. Especially if their kid is about the same age. Then men get the same melty look as the average woman. I know they are dads because, while they are all dissolved into a putty like substance easily manipulated by my toddler’s merest whim, they take pains to let me know they are in fact dads and not just being creepy af.
In Korea all adults adore babies and toddlers. I’ve seen granite faced ajjoshis (middle aged men) fracture into giggles at the site of a pair of chubby cheeks. There it is not at all uncommon for random strangers of all ages and genders to speak to your kid, touch your kid, or give your kid free stuff. For pale skinned, pale eyed foreign babies the attention can be overwhelming enough to keep parents in the foreign enclave or influence their decision to leave the country altogether.
I don’t know if things are different here in Denmark because the high levels of gender equality mean that the lines between genders are more flexible or if it’s simply a cultural thing as in Korea but gender doesn’t seem to have any influence on who will comment on or try to interact with our kid. In the US women will put in their two cents as to the baby’s looks, personality, and state of warmth. In Korea every ajumma (middle aged woman) on the street would not only do the same, but would have no qualms about adjusting my kid’s clothes to reflect her opinion. Truth is, here she gets mostly ignored. Which is a good thing, I guess.