I’ve got three kids: teen and tween boys and one preschool (surprise!) girl. It’s winter and we are up the mountain taking advantage of the sun and snow. It’s a popular place and there are lots of other people there. My eldest comes down a snowy trail and says, “Mom, I need to go. Now.”
We grab our kids and gear, throw them into the truck. It’s slow going at first. Like I said, the place is popular. “Mom,” my kid says with that whiney edge that you have to be 13 to master. “Mom, you have to hurry. I don’t know if I can make it.”
Anxiety makes my pulse spike. I turn around and look him in the eye. “You will be fine,” I say, forcing calm through both of us. My husband finally clears the traffic and guns it.
“Stupid Roderick,” says my middle child as we arrive at our isolated cabin home. “I was having fun!”
“Have patience with your brother,” I respond while handing his sleeping sister to her father. “What he’s going through is not easy. And your time is coming soon enough.” But not too soon I hoped. One in the house at a time is enough. “Go shower up and get ready for bed.”
Upstairs I go to Roderick’s room. He’s sitting on the bed with his head cradled in his hands. “You’re afraid of me.”
“No, I am not.”
“I could smell your fear in the car!” He gets up and starts to pace the tight confines of his room.
“I was afraid *for* you. I’m your mom first. Sometimes it gets in the way but, mostly, it makes me stronger. You don’t understand yet. I’m not just dominant, I’m Alpha. Soon, you will truly get what that means. It will change things. For the better, I hope. But you won’t be just my son anymore. That’s why I was afraid.
It’s okay to be afraid, even for us. You just can’t let it control you. Remember,” I say hugging him. Breathing in his scent. “There is no bravery without fear.”