As discussed in the previous post, catastrophizing is irrationally focusing on impending doom. It creates a crisis out of nothing or, worse, unintentionally makes a bad situation even ghastlier. It causes stress and can lead to anxiety linked depression. In more extreme cases the catastrophizor may chain together worsening possibilities that sink us into a descending cycle of despair. Basically, it sucks. So, what to do about it?
Sleep. During the deepest stages of sleep restoration and growth take place. Research on sleep has revealed that there are major side effects when we don’t get enough. Sleep deprivation and other sleep disorders are associated with a number of serious physical and mental health conditions that I won’t go into because that could definitely trigger catastrophic thinking. Among these negative outcomes are increased negative emotionality and an inability to distinguish between threatening and non-threatening stimuli.
There are many ways to get better sleep. Setting a regular sleep schedule primes our bodies to prepare for rest. Avoiding artificial blue light from electronic devices at least two hours before going to sleep. Staying away from caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol, especially in the evening and at night. Calming meditation has many benefits including more and more restful sleep. Aromatherapy using certain scented oils may also help. Plus there are apps, herbal products, and dietary supplements.
Next we have to learn to recognize when we are doing it. Notice when our thoughts slip from realistic into the unlikely. Challenge and analyze the rationality of our thoughts. Start by asking these three questions:
Is it a problem?
Is it important?
Can I change the outcome?
Gain some perspective. We have the power to change only what we do next. Not the past. Nor the behavior of anyone else, even those we love. Just our next move. That’s it. Whether we are religious or spiritual or devout atheists the Serenity Prayer by the infinitely quotable theologian Reinhold Niebuhr is one of those bits of prose that has the weight of Truth to it. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
Regain the control we do have. Take some kind of action, especially altruistic. Volunteer. Take part in something bigger than we are. Do things that make us feel grounded and secure. Too often we let the things we love fall by the wayside. Pick up that paintbrush, go for a run, do something that makes us feel good in a good way. Face our fears. This is a whole blog post in of itself but to start with just sit with the fear for a couple of minutes at a time. Breathe with it and let it flow through us. Say, “It’s okay.” Repeat it as much as we need to.
Avoid isolation, which in our modern society is admittedly easier said than done. Isolation, even without the catastrophic thinking, is a major cause of depression in adults. As we grow older things like: work, marriage, kids dominate our lives and our other relationships fade into the background. It can be hard to reach out, especially for us introverts. American focus on independence and bootstrapping can make us feel ashamed to reach out or feel like it is being bothersome to ask for help.
According to an ancient Chinese proverb, “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” And modern science says the ancient Chinese knew what they were talking about. Not only does it make people feel good to be asked for help it makes them feel better about the person asking. We think the person asking is smart because they have the good sense to ask us. Asking is both an ego stroke and a way to gain actual support at once.
Most of us have more people on our side than we realize. Take a few minutes to list all the resources that are available right now. Family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, members of a team or club. This can also serve as a gratitude exercise. Come up with some goals. Then decide what the support team should look like. Eliminate anyone who does not make us feel good about ourselves. The last thing we need as catastrophizors is to hang out with someone who doesn’t respect us or drains our energy. It’s important to be surrounded by people that appreciate us, love us, and make us feel encouraged.
This is a two way street. To have a good support network we have to provide good support. We need to take an interest in other people. This means making an effort to have meaningful conversations and spend quality time with neighbors, co-workers, and other people we interact with on a frequent basis. It doesn’t have to be everyone every single time. Start off slowly. Maybe pick one person to talk to or aim for one meaningful interaction with someone every week. Up it to twice a week, three times a week, and so on. This is easier when we get involved by joining a group or community organization that shares our goals, our beliefs, hobbies, or interests. This is one reason I miss the BR UU church so much. Welcoming without being cultish and enthusiastic supporters of most of the things I cherish.
Support also comes in the form of help from professionals.
Practice forgiveness and don’t take others for granted. We’re all only human. Use discretion. That buzz from helping people has its limits. It’s one thing to ask for help from time to time; it’s another thing to overwhelm others with our own needs. Pay it forward. Finally, listen. Listening is hard. Most of us spend much of our time in conversation composing what we want to say and waiting to speak rather than focusing on the other person. Listening tells others that we value them. It’s important that the people we surround ourselves with feel appreciated, loved, and encouraged.
One of the hardest things about stopping catastrophic thinking is our tendency to judge ourselves. Just about all types of distorted thinking have in common negative self-talk. This is when we dump criticisms on ourselves, something that comes so naturally that we don’t even question it. Thoughts like “I can’t do this! I suck. Why am I even trying?” or “I’ll never be smart/attractive/successful…” or any of the other things we aspire to are examples of negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is connected to anxiety, panic, depression, and stress. Blaming ourselves (or others) for our emotional turmoil craters self-esteem, sabotages our self-confidence, decreases motivation, and leaves us feeling worn out. This internal discussion produces a stain on our psyches after a while. Our self-aversion may be subtle or gratuitous. Either way punishing ourselves for thinking catastrophically can make us feel even worse. If we succumb to negative self-talk in trying to stop our catastrophic thinking we only succeed in tearing ourselves down. Compared to the vicious vortex of blame, tolerance for catastrophic thinking can feel comparatively comfortable.
When we negative self-talk we speak to ourselves in a way we would never speak to someone we love.
In a popular parable the Buddha once asked a student, “If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful?” The student replied, “It is.” The Buddha then asked, “If the person is struck by a second arrow, is that even more painful?” The student replied again, “It is.” The Buddha then explained, “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. And with this second arrow comes the possibility of choice.”
Negative experiences are an inescapable part of daily life. Each of us has our own “first arrow” experiences: from small annoyances, to microaggressions, to a dire diagnosis. Life is hard enough just coping with the first arrow. The second, more painful arrow, is our reaction to these experiences. The second arrow is our human disposition to react with resentment, anxiety, or even outright rage, to unpleasant circumstances- the first arrow. We react to that “first arrow” with a stream of stressful thoughts and emotions. The first arrow is the pain. The second arrow is the negative judgment we have about it.
Catastrophizing is an example of this. We get insecure or flustered or angry or wallow in any one of a thousand different negative emotions. They just roar in and insinuate themselves into our brains. Thinking “I am so stupid!” or “I really messed up!” does nothing but twist that arrow. In other words, we make things worse for ourselves. The good news is the second arrow, that extra twist of pain, is something we can minimize or avoid all together.
Bill Keane of Family Circus fame is credited with originating the oft repeated quote, “Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, but today is a GIFT. That’s why it’s called the present.” Catastrophizing is dependent on us never being in the moment. If we’re constantly fearing the future we are living in the realm of what could be or what could happen. We’re putting less energy into our relationships, the things we supposedly value most, because we’re putting so much mental energy into analyzing possible threats. Catastrophizing relentlessly shoves us up against the unknowable, the uncontrollable, the future. Once there, we are lost.
The cure for this is mindfulness. Simply put, mindfulness is living in and appreciating the moment we are in. It is a state of active, open focus on the present rather than being hindered by fears and insecurities about the past and the future. Instead of letting life pass us by as we obsess about the things we cannot change, mindfulness means living in the moment and reveling in the now. Mindfulness is a tool that allows us to be more aware of our physical and emotional conditions, to observe our thoughts and feelings from a distance, without getting bogged down in self-criticism and judgment.
Due to its many positive benefits mindfulness is used in certain kinds of therapy and is frequently used in meditation. It has shown to help reduce negative thinking, lower stress levels, protect against depression and anxiety, and improve overall health. Find calm. Most of us are wired to catastrophize. None of us voluntarily torment ourselves in this way. But there is a different path. When we catch ourselves catastrophizing, stop and focus on the moment. Focus on our senses. What do we feel, see, taste, touch, hear, and smell? What are our bodies doing? Feel our hearts beat, the breath entering and leaving our lungs.
Catastrophizing comes about for a lot of reasons we have little or no control over. By accepting our catastrophizing as a disagreeable but involuntary thinking pattern we can free ourselves from toxic guilt. Self-compassion is the difference between noticing and acknowledging our thoughts and getting exasperated with ourselves for having them. Accept and forgive ourselves for the thoughts. Refuse to cast judgment and thereby avoid negative self-talk and penalizing ourselves. Being kind and patient with ourselves is often the greatest challenge we face. Especially as the more emotional we are the more likely we are to fall into old, hurtful patterns. Rather than beat ourselves up about it we need to speak to ourselves as we would to someone we love. In mindfulness we find distance and lucidity. In forgiving ourselves our imperfections we find regard for our own well-being and happiness. We find love for ourselves.
Sources (For both Catastrophe and Apocalypse Averted)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/turning-straw-gold/201711/how-put-stop-catastrophic-thinking
https://drpatrickkeelan.com/anxiety/managing-anxiety-by-reducing-catastrophic-thinking-part-1-overestimating-danger/
http://www.lawyerswithdepression.com/articles/anxiety-and-exaggerations-get-relief-from-amplifying-possibilities-into-catastrophes/
https://nordic.businessinsider.com/what-catastrophising-means-and-how-to-stop-it-2018-3?r=US&IR=T
https://www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/all-hope-is-maybe-not-lost
https://blog.kevineikenberry.com/personal-professional-development/four-ways-to-avoid-catastrophic-thinking/
https://nutritionreview.org/2014/08/catastrophizing-again-the-tiny-part-of-your-brain-that-imagines-just-how-bad-things-could-be/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/nozomi-morgan/how-to-build-your-support-system-in-3-easy-steps_b_9637312.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/crisis-knocks/200912/building-your-support-system Support system worksheet source.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-being-sleep-deprived-alters-a-brain-connection-that-causes-fear-and-anxiety/