It’s August. So hot that standing still in the shade you still sweat. Your partner is away so, now you have to do not only the things you usually do but the things they usually do. Waking up in the morning you realize you are already late. You jump in the shower, toss on some clothes, get the kid up, dressed and fed, toss the kid in the car seat, and head out. As you are driving along, thinking about all the crap you have to do today your gas light flares.
Stopping to put gas in your car you realize your kid is still in the car seat. Asleep.
You are halfway to work and completely forgot the kid was back there. The daycare drop off is usually your partner’s job. Sitting down on the curb as waves of panic and relief break over you it occurs to you that you came this close to being one of those parents on the news. A sad statistic. That is the power of habit.
Neuroscientists divide the brain into X-system (X) and C-system (C) functions. X is reactive and covers our basic needs. It is made up of the lizard brain which is responsible for basic needs like eating and sleeping. It also covers the limbic system which controls our emotions, connection with others, and the creation of our memory and habits. In particular habits are formed in the basal ganglia. X consumes less energy than the pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that processes new information and more complex decisions, because it depends on our behaviors of the past.
It’s kind of like our autopilot focusing on the short term and simply reacting based on past emotions, memory, habits and beliefs without conscious analysis of the situation at hand. When we mindlessly go through the same motions, day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year we bolster these neural connections, these habits, in our basal ganglia. Habits, routines, rituals, they are an integral part of our lives.
The C is reflective. It can be found in the pre-frontal cortex. This is the elevated brain responsible for higher order thinking. C is generally more demanding in terms of oxygen and glucose consumption. C is what we should use when we think deeply and rationally about something. Unfortunately, our brains prefer to use the less energy demanding X instead. This is why it takes more effort to think about and do something new than to simply react out based on memory and habit.
Sometimes this is a good thing. The brain is designed to focus on one thing at a time. Our existence would be infinitely more wearying if we had to engage our frontal lobe for every decision. Think Chidi in The Good Place, analyzing the morality of his every action to the point of mental and emotional paralysis. When our pre-frontal cortex is busy our energy efficient brains allow us to rely on earlier behaviors and habits. Especially when we are tired and/or under pressure like the parent in the opening paragraph. Habit plays an incredibly important and absolutely necessary role in our lives. But because slipping into autopilot is so natural to us we forget the sheer power of it.
The brain is changeable, even in our oldest ages we can grow it, add new neural pathways. This process, called neuroplasticity, happens numerous times every day. Theoretically giving us an immense capacity to change. However, as noted above, the more we do something the more difficult it is to alter those patterns.
I like to think of the brain as a riverbed. The older the river, the more deeply it becomes entrenched into the earth. The Colorado River formed the Grand Canyon. The Amazon has created a whole ecosystem. That’s our brains. Deeply entrenched patterns with entire ecosystems of habits shoring them up. To make changes, especially as we get older, takes awareness, effort and commitment.
This is further complicated by the fact that motivation is entangled with reward which is, in turn, strongly shaped by past experience. We associate the things we have done in the past positively and we are rewarded with feelings of calm and safety for following old patterns . At the extreme negative end new things can be viewed with alarm and even fear, kindling an adverse stress response. This means that attempting to change habits, to add new routines or abandon undesirable behaviors, can quite literally be physically uncomfortable. Even painful.
When our lives are in a state of flux, especially when we are experiencing multiple changes at once, we can feel threatened. And, unfortunately, change rarely affects one thing at a time. A new job can mean a change in monetary circumstance, in physical location, in our relationships – even in the best of circumstances where all of these changes are positive there is an uncomfortable cascade effect. The mind works to avoid discomfort, pain. Whether it be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual to our brains pain = bad. In reaction to this threat we are inclined to avoid and resist change rather than embrace it.
In the C area of the brain, primarily in the pre-frontal cortex, are the executive functions, a set of cognitive processes that are necessary for the cognitive control of behavior: self-control, memory, planning and problem solving, and/or being mentally flexible. Executive functions demand mindful awareness. Learning new skills, abilities, and information requires executive functions.
The brain is designed to focus on one thing at a time. If we are using the executive functions and activating our frontal lobe- that’s the thing we can focus on. This means that other goals, wants, desires, even needs, have to be pushed into the background. Because our society still values multitasking over monotasking this can feel like missed opportunity and activate FOMO, or the fear of missing out.
What it boils down to is to our lizard brains change in of itself is a threat. A hundred thousand years ago a shift in our environment could mean the presence of a predator or the oncoming of a drought. Our minds and bodies strive to maintain homeostasis, a state of stability and balance. We like to get back to what is familiar as soon as possible. Even when the familiar is bad for us. Change disrupts this balance.
These are just some of the reasons why when we try to change, we fail. Over and over and over again. Change, significant change, is uncomfortable. It’s painful. And it’s hard. It involves a lot of complicated feelings, debate, disagreement, uncertainty, and old fashioned leaps of faith. Internal change involves awareness, effort, and commitment. It also involves failure. This is a simple and frustrating truth that must be accepted if we are to move forward. To change. To be better. As the saying goes: “If we aren’t failing we aren’t trying hard enough.” Failing reveals our blunders and missteps and allows us to learn from them. Change is messy, stressful- and absolutely necessary. Change is a process that is two steps forward and one step back. Failure is a step in the process. If we’re lucky we can take those mistakes and fail forward.
Sources
http://www.neuroawareness.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/CHAPTER-3.pdfhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-motivated-brain/201803/why-is-behavior-change-so-hardhttp://captology.stanford.edu/http://info.langleygroup.com.au/ebook-how-to-lead-with-the-brain-in-mindhttps://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0033350616300178https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neuronarrative/201707/8-reasons-why-its-so-hard-really-change-your-behaviorhttp://lisanicolebell.com/btb/